K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
