the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
