I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Someone signed my nipple.
His nipple licking is glorious
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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