If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
