I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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