ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
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Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
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Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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