You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
