Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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