No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
