the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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