yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
