uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
