Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Is it penis luge time yet?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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