Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
