He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
