We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
