Don't you send me to vm
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
