My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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