i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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