shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
