I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
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