Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
