thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
