I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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