so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
