Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
