Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
