I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
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