That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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