It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
