no, he came in my armpit
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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