apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
