whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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