I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
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