I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Randomize
