i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You took a bar mat shot.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
