My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
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like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
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We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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