I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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