just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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