and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
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I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
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But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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