If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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