Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
