i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
