God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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