return my video game
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
