God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
