i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
