Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
