so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
