I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
