i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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