if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
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