There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
