ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
My breath smells like gin and sadness
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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