Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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