HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
