he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
