i just sent this text using only my big toe
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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