She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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