You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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