I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
