So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
